I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
