Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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