you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
