i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
