Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
