i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
