I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
