ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
