; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
