He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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