You just made me feel so damn special
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
