Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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