she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize