My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize