matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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