It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
