Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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