Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
