So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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