Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
