Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
