i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
