I just cut my nipple shaving
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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