I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I touched a dick in church today
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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