dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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