dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
