you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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