I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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