my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
