My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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