This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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