worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
