yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
