My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
