She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
