I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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