my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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