boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.