that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
barbara walters just said penis...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..