hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year