I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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