i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea