At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am