so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO