just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
