I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
