Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
