I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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