no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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