I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
