every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
