She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
