I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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