ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
