guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
