If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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