I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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