I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
