I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
