I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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