Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
