I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
