I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
