I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
