Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
