woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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