I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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