Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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