..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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