wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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