There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
