when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
