awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
