i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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