we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
