Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
