i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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