I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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