She is in my trunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Blood and glitter go together right?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
