Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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