hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
