I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
