If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
